cabbage patch kids and everything unladylike

so i arrived at my grandma jeannine's house last night to discover a dirty dirty family secret...

my grandmother sleeps with a cabbage patch kid.

what.

the.

hell.

there's the pictures of the wretched thing. okay, maybe it's not as weird as finding out that she collects her dead friend's teeth, but it's pretty freaky.

these days, whenever i do something terribly unlady like or rough, i simply say, "Alaska," because, chances are i picked the habit up there

burping ... "Alaska"

passing gass ... "Alaska"

sitting with my legs wide apart ... "Alaska"

shoving food into my mouth like my nana shoving toilet paper into her cart at costco before a hurricane ... "Alaska"

not showering for 72 hours ... "Alaska"

Alaska has added so much to my character